There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
