Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
