her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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