getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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