when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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