So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
how does that bad decision feel?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
