i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
