How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize