My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
