don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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