I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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