help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
