In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
