I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
