fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
