The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
