My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
