Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize