Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
