Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
