This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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