**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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