Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
