I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
