Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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