it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize