I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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