I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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