Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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