Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
