I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
