why didn't you poke me back
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
