oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
