So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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