I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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