her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
