Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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