Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize