who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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