I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
