Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
