I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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