please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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