his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
