There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How naked do you want me to be?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
