best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
