Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize