after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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