did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
