The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i believe in u and ur pee
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