Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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