Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
