Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
