I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the raccoons are back...
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