didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You are the jesus of drinking
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
