Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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