I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
