I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
