His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
