I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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