I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
