Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
