i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
