just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
