there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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