Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
