I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
