well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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