We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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