I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
