He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
