It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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