you would pick up someone in the library
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize