so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
