you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
