she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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