I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
